I sometimes joke that I went abroad to run away from Amherst. But the jokes on the folks who think I'm actually kidding. When January 2007 rolled around, I was as happy as could be that I would not be trekking back up to Western Massachusetts, but rather hopping a plane for London. And I would've done the entire year away if I didn't have major requirements to fulfill.As I think back on my time at Amherst and navigate senior year, I wonder if it's been worth it. Did it have to be this hard? In a thesis meeting with my adviser, we bonded on our mutual rage against the College. While sharing our thoughts on the racist, elitist, sexist hierarchy of the College, I wondered tow things - is this a phenomenon particular to Amherst and would I have happier at an HBCU? To the former question, I am inclined to say no, because I have friends at schools as varied as Princeton, Brandeis and Dartmouth who have said and felt similar things about their schools. Which was why I gave up dreams of transferring in freshman year. And although I can't know for certain whether or not I would have been happier at an HBCU, I do know that I would not have to hear statements like "Somehow being black and having no logical ability are synonymous". Instead of being made to feel part of the Amherst community of thinkers, scholars and students I feel that I have had to spend too much time trying to prove my worth as a student and to fight for acceptance in the classroom.
I can't let this nappy diatribe (thanks J) go on too long though - I get a fine education at this place and have been afforded many opportunities since being here. But I still struggle with what it means to be an Amherst woman of color, with everything I've given up and everything I've gained. Yet, after all the angst, I still want my children to come here. If Charles Drew could survive this school virtually unscathed, then so can I.
